December 18th 2012

I am going to try and blog daily to keep a journal of everyday things. It is a lot easier for me to keep a journal through my blog then to actually write it out in a journal right now.

This time around with a newborn has been a bit more difficult,  not taking care of newborn but having to take care of two little ones at the same time. It is hard to deal with Brody, he doesn't like to listen and I don't know how to get him to. It is also really hard because anytime the baby cries or if Brody is sensitive enough any type of noise from her, he freaks out and throws a HUGE tantrum.. crying and banging his head on the ground or if he is in his high chair bashing his head back and forth. It is really hard to handle, he needs to get used to her making noise but we don't know how to go about fixing this. I am waiting to hear back from his speech therapist to get him back into to seeing her that way she can hopefully help us to communicate better with him. I love my Brody but he can be very difficult!

I have definitely felt the baby blues this time around, with Brody I didn't feel any of this so it is very new for me. At night it is especially difficult for me and I think it has something to do with Raul working night shift. I miss him SOOOO much at night and some nights feel exhausted and over whelmed with everything I need to do. I cry some nights and don't have the patience for Brody. I feel so horrible and like such a bad mom to him, I have yelled at him so much during those nights and I rarely have gotten that upset with him. After I yell I feel so horrible and like such a bad mother. I hope he doesn't feel like I am abandoning him because I can't be there for him every second of the day like I use to be. It seems though that the baby blues are going away, I have felt much better the last few nights and have been able to get so much more done. I really love being a mother and love my husband and my children. I am so happy to have my family and to be able to raise these little ones.